| go right at the first stop light, and i'll be outside waiting for you. |
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| 09:33pm 20/03/2005 |
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mood:  exhausted music: stray light run
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it's funny how weird some one can make you feel. one person can hold your heart in their hand and not even realize it. how one person makes you so happy you want to stay in that moment forever but at the same time makes you so miserable you want nothing more than to sit in a corner and cry. complex, i guess you would call it. over emotional, might be another one or maybe just being in the wrong place at the wrong time or trusting some one you probably shouldn't have. or maybe, it's giving your heart away to a boy whos nothing but scared.
you're so wrong for me, yet i still can't let you go. funny isn't it? how you make me so mad and yet i still want you? maybe it's because i'm willing to go through all of that for you. when i said i wanted to be with you i meant the ups the downs all the smiles and all the tears. i wanted all of it. i wanted you. i wanted you when you had a bad day and just wanted someone to take it out on. i want the little fights we had, i want the great apologies we had. i still want all of that. i'm living in some dream world thinking that i'm ever going to be enough for you. no on is ever enough for you. i was warned, numerous times. and i've been told not to wait around. your best friend even said that i should watch my heart. truth is, i thought you cared. you never actually cared to begin with it's an act. you're really good at it, though. i might add. you should win an award for it. is there such an award? do you think we could make one "to the boy who can make a girl fall head of heals and not be there to catch her" it's quite an accomplishment.. and i hope it makes you feel good. sad that i know i'm not the only one, and i never was. and i'm sorry that i'm too fat or too slutty or i complain tooo much. but, that's who i am. i have faults, flaws and imperfections, but that's what relationships are. two imperfections that fit together. you want perfect, good luck trying to find it. |
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| 01:00pm 30/12/2004 |
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mood:  excited music: blood brothers - loves ryhmes with hideous car wreck
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little recap. christmas was wonderful. i got alot of clothes, sweaters mostly. mama thinks i'm a big emo chick. *shrug* what can ya do? alot of cds were given to me and gift certificates for tower. the day all in all was great. i had tofurkey for dinner. yum.
so break, not much is going on. went to myers house before he went away for a week to the mountains. fell on the ice, took random pictures on peoples lawns with lit up moving reindeers in the snow. then walked all around, i fell on the ice. of course. ended up in hathaways, we had dinner at 10:30 and then we're off. i had a great time that night. <3
other than that break = basketball and basketball = life. we play collingswood today for title of the tournament. wish us luck. we had a game yesturday and won. then we all went back to my coaches house and had a scavenger hunt in collingswood and ran around like idiots. we lost, but only by stupidity. it was still fun. we came back to her house had pizza and watched water boy. it was so much fun. iheartmyteam.
jefffff is coming new years and i'm uber excited. <3 |
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| just my luck, getting stuck to everything you are. |
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| 05:02pm 20/12/2004 |
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mood:  cold music: spill canvas
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i love when boys stop and talk to me at my locker. made my whole day.
so, i'm failing math with a 59. rad, i know. hello extra help, how are you doing? oy. school needs to be over.
5 days til presents. i'm waaay excited.
i'm going out with my dad, again tonight. more shopping madness. bleeh. |
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| 10:25pm 19/12/2004 |
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music: blood brothers - every breath is a bomb
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show last night was amazing. the acacia strain was my favorite, by far. bury your dead and scars of tomorrow both put on great shows, but the acacia strain topped them both. i bought a bury your dead hoodie for $25. happy xmas to myself.
spent the nigh with kate, she's a great girl. we always have fun together. we fancy missing our streets and making big circles in ghetto neighborhoods of philly.
today i braved the malls with kristy. oy, that was an experiance, to say the least. i don't like malls and i don't like shopping. i'm glad it's over.
however, it snowed today. that put me in the holiday spirit. i'm excited for xmas. i walked in and my house smelled like cookies, it was wonderful. <3 |
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| 11:57am 18/12/2004 |
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mood:  sleepy music: ed gein - pee wee herman paul rubins
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woke up this morning still all conjested. sexy, i know.
tonight is bury your dead with the lovely kaaaattteee. <33 nothing i love more than going to shows when your sick. raaad.
i missed the WSOU show last night, rather upsetting - but hey, shit happens. i heard there was some shitty aspects of it anyway.
first basketball game was last night. burlington county times ranked us 4th out of like 7 teams. bordentown being highert than us.. and we just kicked their asses. fuck you, bct. eat your words.
tonight should be fun, good show, and vegan food on south streeet. yay. |
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| this is my sun down |
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| 05:56pm 15/12/2004 |
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mood: dirty music: some acoustic mix chris made for me when we were together
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i love when you sleep with some one and then they don't talk to you. i really love it. </sarcasm |
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| 04:00pm 13/12/2004 |
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mood:  tired music: get up kids - campfire kansas
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( so, i'll hold on to all your secrets )
school was gay today. went into marks class. he tried to tickle me. i made dan give me a list for melissa. ps. melis i have it for you.
i have to go back to school in 15 minutes and i have a headache.
jeffy..<33 |
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| the songs that make you slit your wrist.. |
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| 11:30pm 10/12/2004 |
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mood: melancholy music: mcr - it's not a fashion statement, it's a death wish
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so most of the entries i have on here are on friends only right now. which, will soon be taken off. reasons? as if i need to explain myself, but i will anyway just for the hell of it. i don't feel as if i have anything to hide. this is my life, and my journal. i'm not going to edit it just because you don't want to hear what i have to say. so as of right now, this is what i have to say.
crazy how life changes, right? not too long ago i lost some people, and i gained some more. cut ties with bad people and reinforced good ones. i've grown so close to these few girls in the past couple of months, it's amazing. one of them, who is now expecting a child, i could not be more proud of. the way she's handling this, the way she's going about it and the way she's just in great spirits is something truly to be admired. i love the way you don't give a fuck what anyone thinks. i love you and i want you to know that i support you in everything you do. we all do, don't ever forget that.
.. okay, so i do this every once in awhile. i sit back and analyze everything. take a look at whats going on in my life and sometimes i come to good realizations, or sometimes bad ones. today i realized that my little brother who i used to look at as being exactly that. little. isn't so little anymore. he's growing up, and that's scaring me. my mom who i used to keep up on some platform, like she was better than everyone else on the this earth - just because she was my mom. isn't really as strong as i thought she was. mom used to be another word for hero - you know? like some one who could brave the world, and still be okay. she never shed a tear, and if she did you knew that something was really wrong and that it was time to worry. well, now i know that every time is a time to worry and you can never be too concerned. the people you think are the strongest people are really just as weak as you. we're all weak when it comes down to it. we all search for that something to hang on to. i will forever hold on to my mother. i'm growing up and she's growing older.. she always told me my opinions about people would change when i started to learn more and see all the horrible things in this world. but, she always told me never to let the bad outweigh the good because they're are truly so many beautiful things in this world. she's right. so, she might not be some kind of text book hero, and she might not be the prettiest or the richest or skinniest mom. she might break down every now and then and she might just bleed a little bit. but, to me.. that is the true definition of a hero. |
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| 05:39pm 28/11/2004 |
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mood: amused music: spice girls - say you love me
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cyndi and her surveys, they keep me entertained. <44
DIRECTIONS:
(x) = you've done
( ) = you haven't done
(?) = maybe...
(x) been drunk
(x) been high
(x) kissed a member of the opposite sex
(x) kissed a member of the same sex
( ) crashed a friend's car
( ) been to Japan
( ) ridden in a taxi
(x) been in love
(x) been dumped
(x) shoplifted
( ) been fired
(x) been in a fist fight
(x) snuck out of my parent's house
( ) ever had a crush on someone of the same sex
(x) had feelings for someone who didnt have them back
( ) been arrested
(x) made out with a stranger
(x) stole something from my job
( ) gone on a blind date
(x) lied to a friend
( ) had a crush on a teacher
(x) had sex
(x) given or recieved oral sex
( ) celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans
( ) been to Europe
(x) skipped school
( ) slept with a co-worker
( ) been married
( ) gotten divorced
( ) had children
( ) seen someone die
( ) been to Africa
( ) had a crush on one of my Live journal friends
(x) Slapped someone I loved
( ) Driven over 400 miles to attend a show/festival/fetish ball
( ) Been to Canada
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been on a plane
(x) Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show
( ) Thrown up in a bar
( ) Purposely set a part of myself on fire
(x) Eaten Sushi
( ) Been snowboarding
(x) Met someone in person from the internet
(x) Been moshing at a concert
(x) had real feelings for someone you knew only online
(x) taken partially nude/nude photos of yourself
(x) been in an abusive relationship
( ) been pregnant or got someone pregnant
( ) lost a child
( ) gone to college
( ) graduated college
(x) done hard drugs
(x) tried killing yourself
(x) taken painkillers
(x) love someone or miss someone right now
(x) been out of state
( ) told your parents you hated them
( ) faked being drunk
( ) dropped out of school
(x) crowd surfed
(x) met someone famous
( ) told a member of the same sex you had a crush on them
(x) lied to get out of trouble
( ) lied about your age
(x) thrown up from drinking
hah, this thing makes me look bad. remember i'm sxe now. <3
ilms <4444 |
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| your song is gold like the color of piss.. |
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| 07:27pm 27/11/2004 |
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mood:  bored music: blood brothers - live at the apocalypse cabaret
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01. I miss somebody right now
02. I don't watch much TV these days
03. I love olives
04. I love sleeping
05. I own lots of books
06. I wear glasses or contact lenses
07. I love to play video games
08. I've tried marijuana
09. I've watched porn movies
10. I have been in a threesome
11. I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship
12. I believe honesty is usually the best policy
13. I have acne free skin.
14. I like and respect Al Sharpton
15. I curse frequently
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
17. I have a hobby
18. I love clothes, accessories & gettin my hair done.
19. I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
20. I'm really, really smart.
21. I've never broken someone's bones
22. I have a secret that I am ashamed to reveal
23. I hate the rain
24. I'm paranoid at times
25. I own a 90's pop CD
26. I need money right now!
27. I love sushi.
28. I talk really, really fast sometimes
29. I have fresh breath in the morning.
30. I have semi-long hair.
31. I still love my ex.
32. I have at least one brother and/or one sister
33. I was born in a country outside of the U.S.
34. I shave my legs (females) or face (males) on a regular basis
35. I have a twin
36. I have worn fake hair/fingernails/eyelashes in the past
37. I couldn't survive without Caller I.D.
38. I like the way that I look sometimes
39. I have lied to a good friend in the last 6 months
40. I have brown eyes
41. I am usually pessimistic
42. I have a lot of mood swings
43. I think prostitution should be legalized
44. I think Britney Spears is hot
45. I have cheated on a significant other in the past
46. I have a hidden talent
47. I'm always hyper no matter how much sugar I've had.
48. I think that I'm popular
49. I am currently single.
50. I have kissed someone of the same sex
51. I enjoy talking on the phone.
52. I practically live in sweatpants or PJ pants.
53. I love to shop.
54. I would rather shop than eat.
55. I would classify myself as ghetto.
56. I'm bourgie and have worn a sweater tied around my shoulders
57. I'm obsessed with my online journal
58. I don't hate anyone.
59. I'm a pretty good dancer
61. I'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
62. I have a cell phone
63. I believe in God
64. I watch MTV/Vh1 on a daily basis.
65. I have passed out drunk in the past 6 months.
66. I love drama
67. I have never been in a real romantic relationship before
68. I've rejected someone before
69. I currently have a crush on someone
71. I want to have children in the future.
72. I have changed a diaper before
73. I've called the cops on a friend before
75. I am a member of the Tom Green fan club
76. I'm not allergic to anything.
77. I have a lot to learn
78. I have dated someone at least 10 years older or younger
79. I plan on seeing an ex boyfriend within the next day
80. I am very shy around the opposite sex sometimes.
81. I am online 24/7, even as an away message
82. I have at least 5 away messages saved
83. I have tried alcohol or drugs before
84. I have made a move on a friend's significant other in the past
85. I own the South Park movie.
86. I have avoided assignments at work/school to be on Xanga or livejournal
87. When I was a kid I played, "the birds and the bees" with a neighbor or chum
88. I enjoy some country music.
89. I want to beat Britney Spears with a rock for over an hour
90. I think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza.
91. I watch soap operas whenever I can
92. I'm obsessive, anal retentive, and often a perfectionist.
93. I have used my sexuality to advance my career
94. I love Michael Jackson, scandals, and all.
95. I know all the words to Slick Rick's "Children's Story"
96. Halloween is awesome
97. I watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
98. I have dated a close friend's ex.
99. I'm happy as of this moment
100. I was born in the 80s but I am truly a child of the 90s
101. I haven't showered in two days. . . and I like it.
102. I'd rather be in Germany than anywhere else.
103. I'm obsessed with getting manicures/pedicures
104. I want to visit Italy either for the first time or again...
105. I'm one of those types who is easily amused; the stupidest of things can make me laugh.
106. I have cried in the last week.
107. I have flirted with someone I didn't like just to get something out of it.
108. I like at least 3 British Comedy tv shows.
109. I've lived in one place for more than 10 years
110. I have overslept and missed my classes
111. I've been on TV
112. I listen to music no matter what I'm doing.
113. I yell at the tv when I watch sports
114. I miss being homeless
115. I am obsessed with WB dramas
116. I was in a situation where I almost died.
117. I think that Burger King has the best burgers
118. I get lost very easily.
119. I hate working with other people.
120. I am obsessed with Veronica Mars
121. I have no will power and I can't say no to a cute boy.
122. I am in love. |
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| you've got the most beautiful name i've ever cursed |
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| 01:46pm 05/11/2004 |
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mood:  calm music: alexisonfire
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i hate the way no one has a mind of their own
i hate that you think you're better than me
i hate when people use drugs as an escape to life
i hate being so lonley
i hate having to start over
i hate missing you
i hate people who bitch yet do nothing about it
i hate how easily "friends" forget you exist
i hate how i feel like i'm not good enough
i hate everything that you stand for
i hate president bush
i hate liars
i hate girls
i hate people that are always upset. news flash - your life isn't that bad.
i hate people that say "oh *insert band that all the little emo freaks cream themselves over* are friends of mine" that's cool. i don't fucking care.
i hate that my dad is a drunk
i hate that both my parents smoke
i hate that my little brother isn't involved in my life
i hate guys that talk to me just because they think i'm hot
i hate working
i love my family
i love jeff, he's the best friend anyone could ever ask for
i love kristina. we bring the mosh.
i love making out
i love compliments
i love dancing
i love scene boys
i love makeup
i love bright colors
i love rain
i love how you make me feel
i love belts
i love making your own clothes
i love music
i love to smile
i love movies
i love having my picture taken
i love myspace
i love going to shows
i love seeing mikey and his crew. -- i miss you.
i love babies
i love that after 15 years my father and i developed a relationship
i love my cat
i love books
i love dying my hair
i love being on the phone
i love meeting new people
i love being able to make the best out of a bad situation
i love the njxhc scene <3
i love my eyes
i love photography
annndd i love anyone who actually took the time to read this |
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| i don't want to look you in your eyes |
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| 10:30pm 20/08/2004 |
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mood:  aggravated music: gracenote - on target
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[ Current Clothes ] olive green cut off sweatpants and a blue tanktop
[ Current Mood ] bored
[ Current Music ] gracenote - on target
[ Current Taste ] eggroll
[ Current Make-up ] none. i'm so ugly without makeup
[ Current Hair ] down and still wet
[ Current Annoyance ] my computer
[ Current Smell ] my hair.
[ Current Favorite Artist ] i don't have a favorite. i do happen to fancy the all shall perish cd.
[ Current Desktop Picture ] blank because my computer sucks.
[ Current Book you're reading ] a tree grows in brooklyn.
[ Current CD in CD Player] all shall perish -hate.malice.revenge, ashlee simpson - autobiography and bleeding through - this is love, this is murderous.
[ Current DVD in player] new york minute. lol.
[ Current Color Of Toenails ]black
[ Current Refreshment ] water
[ Current Worry ] nothing.
LAST PERSON...
[ You Touched ] my mom
[ You Talked to ]my mom
[ You Hugged ]my mom
[ You Instant messaged ] mikey
[ You Yelled At ] my dog. he was chasing my kitty
[ You Kissed ] erm? actually kissed was christopher. but i kissed my mom goodnight.
FAVORITE...
[ Food ] chinese food.
[ Drink ] water
[ Color ] green
[ Shoes ] flip flops
[ Candy ] snickers
[ Animal ] any. i love them all.
[ TV Show ] ashlee simpson. i'm so obsessed with her
[ Movie ] oh boy. the crow has to be my all time favorite.
[ Dance ] any kind of dance
[ Song ] the go go's - our lips are sealed
[ Vegetable ] eggplant
[ Fruit ] any. i work on a farm, i eat it all the time.
[ Cartoon ] family guy
ARE YOU...
[ Understanding ]i try to be
[ Open-minded ] i'd like to think so
[ Arrogant ] sometimes. don't piss me off.
[ Insecure ] yes.
[ Interesting ] i suppose
[ random ] extremely
[ Hungry ] nope.
[ Friendly ] yes.
[ Smart ] eh, i guess so.
[ Moody ] very
[ Childish ] i'm just goofy.
[ Independent ] yes
[ Hard working ] eh.
[ Organized ] somewhat
[ Healthy ] i suppose.
[ Emotionally Stable ]sometimes
[ Shy ] definatly not.
[ Difficult ] no.
[ Attractive ] no.
[ Bored Easily ] no.
[ Messy ] sometimes
[ Thirsty ] nope
[ Responsible ] yes
[ Obsessed ] with ashlee simpson
[ Angry ] yes.
[ Sad ] no.
[ Happy ] i'm mad that dan is such an asshole.
[ Hyper ] no, tired actually.
[ Trusting ] no. i have horrible trust issues.
[ Talkative ] very.
WHO DO YOU WANT TO...
[ Kill ] no one.
[ Slap ] dan.
[ Get Really Wasted With ] i don't drink.
[ Get High With ] again, i don't do this.
[ Look Like ] no one.
[ Talk To Offline ] anyone. some one call me.
[ Talk To Online ]anyone.
[ My Name Is ] sara
[ In The Morning I Am ] getting ready for work.
[ All I Need Is ] love.
[ Love Is ] bittersweet
[ I'm Afraid of ] drowning and clowns
[ I Dream About ] i don't remember my dreams.
-H A V E .Y O U. E V E R . .
[ Pictured your crush naked? ] no.
[ Actually seen ur crush naked ] no.
[ Been in love ] yes.
[ Cried when someone died ] no. no one close to me has died.
[ Lied ] a few times. i try not to lie. there's no point in it.
-W H I C H . I S . B E T T E R-
[ Coke or pepsi ] water
[ Flowers or candy] flowers
[ Tall or short ] tall
-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do u notice first?] their aura.
[last person u slow danced with] chris. he made me dance with him.
[worst question to ask] there's alot of bad questions.
-W H O-
[makes u laugh the most?] most of my friends make me laugh equally. we're all just goofy mofo's
[makes you smile] kyle
[gives u a funny feeling when u see them] no one.
[who do you have a crush on?] no one.
[has a crush on u?] who knows.
[is easiest to talk to] cyndi and jeffy.
-D O. Y O U .E V E R-
[sit on the internet all night waiting for someone special to I.M. you?] yes.
[save aol/aim conversations] sometimes
[wish u were a member of the opposite sex] once every month
[cried because of someone saying something to you] yes.
-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend] no.
[been rejected] yes
[rejected someone] yes
[used someone] no
[been cheated on] yes, it hurts. bad.
[done something you regret]i don't regret anything. everything i've done before has made me who i am. i don't think that's anything to regret.
-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone] tavia
[hugged] my brother.
[you instant messaged]mikey
[you laughed with]
-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[smoke cigarettes] nope
[obsessive] not really.
[could u live without the computer?] no.
[color ur hair] yes. too much.
[ever get off the damn computer] no. hah.
[habla espanol] i should since i've taken it for so long.
[how many peeps are on ur buddylist?] peeps? i don't know any of them.
[drink alchohol?] no.
[like watching sunrises or sunset] yes.
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?] emotional.
-N U M B E R-
of times I have had my heart broken?: 1.
of guys I have kissed?: um, too many.
of girls I have kissed?: too many.
of continents I have lived in?: 1
of tight friends?: a few..
of cd's that I own?: way too many.
of scars on my body?: alot.
of things in my past that I regret?: nothing.
I KNOW: alot.
I WANT: to have a baby
I HAVE: blue eyes
I WISH: i could drive
I HATE: being alone
I MISS: being held
I FEAR: drowning and clowns
I HEAR: music
I WONDER: why i put alot into relations and get nothing in return
I REGRET: nothing.
I LOVE: my mom and my brother.
I ACHE: you is why.
I CARE: about too many people.
I ALWAYS: put on makeup before leaving the house.
I AM NOT: skinny
I DANCE: all the time
I SING: all the time
I CRY: all the time
I DO NOT ALWAYS: match.
I FIGHT: with chris too much.
I WRITE: not as much as i should
I CONFUSE: alot of people.
I CAN USUALLY BE FOUND: at work
I NEED: a boyfriend.
I AM HAPPY: alot.
I SHOULD HAVE: ran away to mikey's house. i need to get away from here. |
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lightupthesky_x's journal
lazy